Extended Happy Bisexual Day
What started as a Facebook post celebrating National Bisexual Day turned into this…
When I read that it was National Bisexual Day I initially hesitated to acknowledge my own bisexual pride. My breakdown of this hesitation turned into an exploration of my continuing process of accepting my own bisexuality and understanding why it is so gosh darn difficult to do so! Once I started to analyze my own feelings on the matter (as though one’s sexuality can be summed up as “the matter…”)… I began to see how others have difficulties understanding bisexuality as well.
I still have qualms about identifying as bisexual. Truth be told, I probably would have qualms about any label I choose to identify myself as but I identify as bisexual and I am overall thankful and happy to say it. This has not always been the case. Until age 22 I identified as “sort of straight,” and at age 22 I realized that I was a lesbian. A full-fledged, cat-owning, coffee shop loving, 100%, go get my Carhart pants lesbian! I had entered the beautiful dark side and had no interest in returning back to heterosexuality. Anyone who knew me during this time can attest to the certainty I expressed to only be with women for the rest of my life…
Well, much like every other CERTAIN PLAN in my life it did not go as I planned. To make a very, very long story short, over the last 10 years I have had experiences that have led me to where I am now: a confessed bisexual. This has been a difficult process as “not straight” and “not gay” isn’t always a very friendly place to be. ***This is NOT to say that I believe straight or gay is always a friendly place to be – not the case. In fact, many think bisexuals have it easier as we can pass as either straight or gay depending on our environment. Potato-gay potato, every group or identity comes with issues that make life difficult. In no way do I discount any group’s difficulties while writing about the difficulties I experience with bisexuality.
But it is Bisexual Day so back to bisexuality, it’s an unexplored, uncertain place to be and no one likes that!! Myself included. I have explored my own prejudices and problems with the term and (forgive me) lifestyle so I don’t fault others for not understanding. Bisexuals, much like other non-extremist groups, by their/our very presence, invite people to question their own extreme, perhaps unquestioned stances, (on sexuality, politics, diet preference and so on). All of us want to feel like a part of a group, especially when it concerns our sexuality and the more clear the rules of that group are the easier it is to know how to fit in. Well gosh darnit, bisexuality is an in-between space full of uncertainty and flexibility, i.e. not an easy place to begin to know how to fit into. Uncomfortable and at times unwelcome. The interesting thing is that bisexuality is inclusive of many different ways to love and can include lots of different people.
That being the case, I know and love more straight or gay people than I do “out” bisexuals. I want us all to co-mingle together in peace…and to eventually convert you (JUST KIDDING:)). I think the real crux of the matter is the more we accept ourselves, our own feelings and how we choose to express them, the better able we will be to accept each another, even if we express our sexuality in different ways.
With that said, I believe that we are all, LGBTQIA, looking for the same thing(s): To accept and love ourselves in a romantic/non-romantic/sexual/non-sexual way; to know and to feel comfortable with what we consider romantic/non-romantic/sexual/non-sexual; to find another person(s) who will accept and love us in a romantic/non-romantic/sexual/non-sexual way; to find a group(s) we can feel a part of that will include us and in the process accept and love us; to get our rocks off with ourselves or another person(s) who, preferably both but not necessarily both, accepts and loves one or several of the following: our body, heart, mind and soul or is at least good in the sack. To know what we consider “good in the sack” and how to express and ask for it and to find (or not necessarily find) another person(s) who feels the same way or at least accepts and loves us enough to give it a try…
To be able to do all aforementioned acts and to feel all the aforementioned feelings in a physically and emotionally safe environment with self or another person(s). To be able to post on Facebook on National Coming Out/Gay/Bisexual/Trans/Straight/XXXXXXX day that THAT’S ME and it’s cause for celebration. Now, I still don’t see why this is so difficult… 🙂