I believe just about everything in life is a process. Nature clearly delivers this message to us through how its contents grows, change, dies and begins again. Natural selection, leaves changing color, “dying” falling off and nourishing the next bunch… caterpillars turning into butterflies, holy crap, the examples are endless. Human experience is no exception. . Everything we experience can be divided up into a set of steps, not necessarily linear or in a way that appears to makes “sense”…but steps that when thrown together, make up a process. Each part of this episode necessary for the next step to occur. i.e. To live life.
My life is a series of processes, both literal- my heart pumps blood out to my appendages and vital organs, my neurons are firing and communicating within my nervous system at every second and figuratively -in the cosmos and energetic world, unlocking ones life purpose etc. I know that my Listen service/business plays a part in my process of unlocking my lifes’ purpose (how very dramatic!!) Included here are the series of events leading up to starting “Listen;” continuing to develop it and all that happens while operating it. They are all steps necessary for the next one to occur.
With all that said, I have been feeling stagnant with Listen. Stagnation is not a preferred state as we are not meant to stagnate. At point I feel uncertain with the direction that I want Listen to go in and in deciding what is the best way to reach the people who will best benefit from the services that I have to offer.
I brought this pickle to a coach/mentor and I was advised to “allow myself to open up.” My initial reaction to this is to freeze. Why? Because I don’t want to open myself up! I would prefer a list of tangible tasks I can do to conjure up business from the comfort of my external home. Not the case, this, like basically everything else, is an inside job. If I am to proceed with Listen I must proceed with internal growth. The process of internal growth.
Which involves!! Allowing myself to open up. Back to the freezing…I have (a probably irrational and learned) but what I see as an innate fear, along with millions of other people, of “opening myself up” to others. The visual that hits me is me in an operating room of sorts and involves exposed internal organs causing MASSIVE opportunities for infection, both physical AND emotional. The emotional infection/reactions include, one or several of the following: others laughing, insulting, disagreeing with, thinking I’m perverted or possibly worse, ignoring me or writing me off completely.
The rational, logical part of me knows that this fear is irrational and illogical. I will not end up in an operating room while many others laugh at me. It will not happen. The trusting, loving part of me know that this fear is blocking me from truly moving forward in life. From continuing on in my life/soul process and reaching those who needs the service that I have to offer, someone to listen to them. I will still wake up in the morning, I will still eat three meals a day I will still live a satisfying life. Buuuut if I want to become the best person that I am meant to be, the person that the Universe has SET ME UP to become and all that it asked of me is THE LEAST bit of cooperation on my part and I will become her…then I must pony up and do my part in this process!
Others speak the angels messages to me. “Open yourself up to others,” is my message.
This is not new though. I have heard it before. It has been a challenge for me for as long as I can remember. This time it is being suggested to me as a business move. As necessary to not only continuing my internal, emotional growth but to allow clients and interested parties to become involved in Listen.
What does “to become involved in Listen,” mean? Anything from “Liking” posts to reading my blog to sharing their experiences with me via Facebook/conversation or having a Listen session. And more! We shall know as time goes on.
What I want to present to the world through Listen? A safe environment to talk to someone. To encourage kindness, trusting oneself and others; promoting self growth through: internal work and in relationships with oneself and with romantic partners. More specifically, how we deal with issues under the sexuality/sex umbrella. You talk, we talk, I listen to you, you listen to yourself. Anyone who wants to watches silly duck videos.
In a nutshell: Listening and talking and LOVING the self and others (emotionally and physically/sexually!)
If I am to reach people, whether it is to brighten ones day with a duck video (showing that at the end of the day, people are completely capable of doing the loving thing, such as being lowered into a sewer to save the life of a baby duck) or while having a 15-30-90 minute open, judgement-free conversation about, for example, their current inability to orgasm or ones affinity for butt-plugs…
THEN I must put out to the world that I am open to doing that. Both happily post baby duck videos and to be available, ready and willing to discuss butt-plugs.
…and to snicker but only a little but (hah, I mean bit) because baby duck videos and butt plugs are important. They are essential to the process. Whichever process it may be. Whether it be loving animals and eventually being able to love ourselves, a reminder that how we treat our most vulnerable is so telling into the potential of how we can treat each other and that sex (having it/not having it, involving others/not involving others, FUN healthy acts! and/or taboos like butt plugs) are a major part of EVERY persons life. Our relationship with sex affects our relationship with ourselves with in turn effects how we treat our partners and everyone we come into contact with…and animals and the planet and so on.
The funny thing here is that people already know that I am comfortable discussing such issues. I have been told by a complete stranger out in public that they were HIV+ and didn’t know how to tell their new partner. When I conducted (confidential, not in public) HIV tests somehow I would end up taking 20-30 minutes with clients who really just needed to tell someone their embarrassing and/or frightening story as to how they ended up where they were doing what they were doing: in an office with a perfect strange getting tested for HIV. There are less intense examples, I make it no secret that I am a former heterosexual, turned militant lesbian turned “gay/’happy'” bisexual (if you are interested: Read about it) and I will tell you about it if you ask and listen to your story as well.
Still, opening myself to others is the next step in my own process. Releasing judgements I have about my interest in emotional and sexual health and wellness; believing that these subjects are important and really believing that my involvement is important in addressing them.
Haha. That’s it! I’ll get to work. I’ll participate in some light “Orgasm for Two,” coffee table reading or Google search more tear-inducing baby duck videos. All in a days work! 🙂
And what you have all been waiting for, to see the duck video…go here.Reading takes time, energy and can (unfortunately or unfortunately…) invite one to think about things, sometimes differently than they did before…We all have our audience to reach and if mine involves you – awesome! THANK you, I hope you are receiving what you need- if not -okay! THANK you and I hope you are inspired to look elsewhere.
If you haven’t and would like to, please visit and “Like” my “Listen” Facebook page: Listen207